Sunday, December 2, 2007

Somethings and Nothings

I wrote this more than two years ago... it's amazing to see how much I've grown since then, and the natural style of my writing, without any influence from CHID. At the time I was growing spiritually, which accounts for the allusions to God. It's strange how I can marvel at a little of my naivete and yet at the same time be inspired right now at what came out of that 17-year old girl.

What is life? Life is making something out of nothing. Life is never really reaching that something because no matter how much we try, we never change. We are nothing. If we stopped doing something, we'd be nothing. And that is our biggest fear. To be nothing. To have no meaning, no significance; to be a piece of dust in the universe, a speck of light whose luminescence was never to be appreciated, because it never existed. It was nothing.

But if I stop. If I stop doing something, I may be nothing. So I keep on doing something, and they become so many somethings that I lose myself, and realize that I still am, after all that, nothing.

So I say nothing. And I stop. I stop doing something. Will I stop being nothing after this? Should I just give up and give in to my biggest fear?

But I hear something. Something I've never heard when I was doing something. Voices in the back of my head. A being over my shoulder. He tells me that I used to be nothing. Before time and before the universe, I was nothing. But because He is perfect, and full of love and grace, he shaped nothing into something. Only He can do that. Even before I was born, I was something. And even if I stopped being something in this world, I'd never stop being something to Him. And because I'm something to Him, I can be something to someone else. And make them feel like they are something.

If I never stopped doing something, I wouldn't have heard Him say that I *am* something. And that's all I need to hear. That's all I need to know.

Because in this universe of dark matter, black holes, and mysterious gaps of nothingness, physics tells us that we are nothing. But in another city, there is light, the complete opposite of this black universe; and matter is not nothing, but something. And my existence is something. That 'something' is going to have a destiny that means something.

So maybe I do walk and exist in this world trying to do so many somethings, trying to make a something of myself. But I never heard His voice until I stopped. Because He says that I only need to feel it within myself the light I was made of that came from Him.

I did so many somethings that ultimately meant nothing. So maybe being nothing may be my biggest fear. But to do all those somethings that amount up to nothing is the biggest waste of time. It means nothing to me, and nothing to Him.

So don't make something out of nothing. Because the truest 'nothing,' the truest definition of the word 'nothing' is anything that exists in this universe, in this earth we live in. The world is nothing. He tells us this all the time, to not tie ourselves with nothing, but tie ourselves with something. With a purpose, with a destiny he has created out of light, out of something --- he loves us, he gave us this something out of love.

So what is this something?

This something is the promise. He is part of that promise. I am part of that promise. And everything else made out of the light from the Almighty is a part of that promise.

I don't rightly know what that promise looks like. But I know that promise will last for eternity. Because, like light, it exists everywhere, and it never stops shining, never stops glowing. I am of the light. I am of the promise. I am something. I always was, and always will be.

So when I feel like nothing, I'll remember that it was nothing that made me feel like nothing. The world made me feel like nothing. He put me in this world to make me realize that I am something, even when I am surrounded by nothing. I call it faith.

The world means nothing. The realization is my faith. And that something is love. I was placed in a world of nothing so that I could realize that I am something. I am light. I am love. I always was, and always will be.

So what do I do while I'm here in this world?

The answer is easy, once I come to realize it.

I, after all, was always something.

I'll be light. I'll be love. And give so much to another person who feels like they are nothing, or is doing too many somethings that mean nothing --- I'll make them realize that we are made of the same thing. That we can combine exponentially, and exude more light. Shine more with love. Then pass it on. Until it can no longer be contained. Until this world of nothingness becomes charged with so much light and love, so much of the true something, that it begins to change.

Then we become like Him. We make something out of nothing.

So out of this world will come the kingdom of light. The kingdom of love. Out of nothing, we'll make something. And He'll surround us, because He is of the light. And most of all, He is love.

So what is life?